Clothes shopping leaves me stone cold. I have successfully avoided it for years.
This can be done 2 ways. First, you wear the same three rotating outfits to work for both summer and winter. Second, you get out a tape measure and with Google’s assitance, work out where to correctly measure around your extremities. Armed with this information, you choose your wardrobe from Ebay.
The last time I did this, I inadvertantly purchased 3 mini muumuus from a Vietnam. From which I learned that I am quite a bit taller than your average Vietnamese lady and I must have been using the wrong measuring units.
On Saturday I decided it was high time I venture out to find a new outfit at a non-virtual store.
After browsing for an hour and not seeing anything that would suit, I stumbled innocently into Over-eager Rookie Salesman’s sights. Our interaction went thusly:
'Hello, dahling, can I help you with anything?'
'Um, yes, I am looking for a tunic dress that I can wear a long sleeved shirt under.'
' Ah, I see…… Well, ok. First, I guess you are aware that you are generous in the bust area as well as the hip department. So lets have a look over here for something that will compliment your shape.'
I, now wanting to punch him in his smiley face, follow him meekly to a set of garish dresses which were probably designed to hide generosity such as I was cursed with; clutching my sweater around all my generousness to hide it from the world.
The dresses he points out are sooo not me. Way to busy, way to bright.
I spot a plain black tunic in the corner shining like an oasis in the desert.
The sizes it comes in are XS, S, M, L and XL. Because of my ‘generous’ proportions, I automatically reach to the back end of the rack to pull out a size L. He stops me.
'Dahling, what size are you in numbers in other shops?'
'Alright, you need to take an XS.'
In the changing room, I put on the dress which is actually swimming on me and it dawns on me that this is actually a plus-size clothing store. He is hovering outside and now makes as if to pull back the curtain and come in, so I press the curtains tight against the wall and call out that it is WAY too big.
He yells back: ‘Hold on, I’m fetching you a big belt as an accessory. It will go nicely with your shoes. Did I say how much I love your shoes?’